Welcome to my website! I think it likes you. I’m here to tell you that the rumours are TRUE! Well, not all of them, but the ones about MY BOOK BEING FINISHED ARE! (And probably the ones about the yeti too.)
“THAT BEAR ATE MY PANTS!” is the story of my adventures as a volunteer in an exotic animal refuge in Ecuador, South America.
I travelled to the Santa Martha Centre for Animal Rescue determined to become a man. I never considered that ‘or die trying’ might be an option. As I was to learn, Ecuadorian animals put the ‘wild’ in wildlife, and I was no longer at the top of the food chain. As if fending off bears, monkeys and a semi-decapitated crocodile wasn’t enough, I soon discovered that there are far worse things than being eaten alive. Like trying to fix a mains powered electric fence by hand – without turning it off. Or washing the insides of a cow out of my hair in preparation for a date… or the look on my girlfriend’s face in the middle of said date, when she encounters the bit of mucus that got away! I probably shouldn’t have been dating her anyway, for a variety of reasons. She spoke no English. I spoke no Spanish. And she was married with two children, although it was a while before I figured that part out.
I spent three months alternating between hysterical laughter and hysterical fear, and by the time I’d finished I was without a doubt a Man. I’d been bitten and clawed, shot at and blinded, electrocuted, shaved and head butted in the balls by a wild pig. But I’d survived, and I’d given something back to the Earth that supported me. Blood mostly. My three months at Santa Martha changed my life and my entire philosophy, and I sincerely hope this book will encourage others to do the same.
Four years in the writing (and the screaming, crossing out, re-writing, tearing it up and turning to drink, then seeing the light and starting again) – it’s finally here! Please read the brief excerpt by clicking on the tab above – then click on ‘Contact Me’ and submit your complaints via the magic of email!